Me or the other me at 28…?

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Let me tell you story of a girl, who’s turning 28, is still single and struggling her ways to make a career in unstable prospects. Ever since her childhood, she did the opposite of what she was told to. Her family history had already decided her fate that included graduating, working in a government job and ultimately to get married at 25 or so. Obviously she did not do any of that. Apparently, she was resistent to logical and stable ways. She left her day college for an evening one to pursue some odd jobs along with her college. This messed both her grades and earnings. Yet somehow, she managed to graduate and effortlessly got what hundreds of graduates still struggle to get- a job in a government department that required her to do significantly nothing yet promised handsome earnings. What did she do? She left that too for another undecided fate. Let me clarify that she wasn’t the creative sorts, who are too talented to do anything routine. She was just one of those ever-bewildered types, who are always in hope of something more interesting, something to keep romanticizing about. If you asked her what she was exactly wanting to do, she would give you the most amusing answers like “I’m up for something which I really believe in, something I can call my own, what I can relate with very well”. However, nobody and nor she really knew what she was up to after all.

Eventually, through this confused and vague contest of hers against the routine, she developed this great sense of independence and responsibility. Although she did not work the obvious ways, she always earned her living on her own. She had made peace with the fact that if she has to live her ways, she must not only do it without anyone’s support, but also balance it with her role of a daughter. Well, independence makes one observant  as well, so she wanted to stay real as much as possible while pursuing her fuzzy dreams.

Now she stands as a grown up woman, who is independent, works as a freelance writer, has recently bought a car and pretty much feels at peace. She even enjoys family gatherings once in a while and loves to talk about her liberal stances. She basks in the glory of her distinct self and expects her people to acknowledge her for the same. She aspires to discover her creative ability to think, write and create. Carrying no regrets whatsoever, she's convinced that whatever she missed, left or rejected were all virtuous means to defining her identity, she takes pride in.

However, there was this flip side to the coin. In all the ‘me and my ways’ journey she did not realize the reality until she approached her 30s. The normal course expected her to be raising kids by now. Some brutal discussions made her realize that to the world she was just some sad girl, who has become over-aged for marriage and can no longer find ideal matches. That she has just turned into a girl who never valued good opportunities and elderly's advice and deliberately chose to reach this pitiful situation in life. There’s more – that she was not good enough to even attract a guy on her own, nor could she find a stable job. To sum up, she had turned up poor, even worse than a 30 years old guy, who starts a business inheriting money from daddy and then throws him out from his own house, when he marries a woman.

So, finally at 28 years she stumbled upon her other self. It breaks her to think that she might have just screwed her life forever. Maybe what everyone says is true.What she thought about herself was nothing but self-proclamation. Where did that pride go, what let in the inhibitions, fears and insecurities. Why does it feel so hard? What is the defacto identity of this girl after all? 

(Me or the other me at 28…).